She

The love affair continues. The boy is torn between wanting to cuddle, kiss and generally worship the new arrival and expressing his frustrations at the change of dynamic.

I'm having trouble adjusting my thinking from a baby being 'he' to being 'she'. When I was first pregnant I was convinced that I was having another boy and when we found out at the 20 week scan that it was a girl it took me a good couple of weeks to get used to the idea. I don't know if it's just habit or if it's seeing a baby in the same clothes as as Isaac wore but I find myself still thinking 'he' and then correcting myself. She's so different in personality already to Isaac though - she feeds for longer periods and sleeps better and is generally more relaxed.

Transitions

It's hard for the boy.

Not just the new baby but having a mummy who is pretty much immobile. I had wanted to avoid another section because of the recovery and whilst the actual birth was great it has been really hard working on healing my body and parenting two.

It was always going to be difficult as newborn babies demand a lot of hands on mama time and do not much else but sleep and eat but added to that I can't lift the boy or have him climbing over me and the resulting stream of instructions to 'be careful', 'mind mummy's tummy', 'climb down', etc etc is wearing for all of us. Not least because toddlers don't respond well to verbal commands. Small children are not controllable at a distance. As Carrie says, 'You cannot parent a toddler from the couch. Get up!'

There have been tears from him and me - it's hard to see my happy, secure boy having to find his feet on shifting sands. I know it will get easier as I can physically do more but we're still very much in that transition stage. All I can do is take each day at a time, each hour really. And to remember that every moment is one moment more of working it out either to how I want to be able to parent two or how I don't.

I'm in the middle of reading Siblings Without Rivalry. It's perfect timing. It's helping give me tools to ease the boy into the new way of being. It's so unfair for him, he's always the one who has to wait. He's always the one who has to stop. It's never Isabel. But being able to give voice to that unfairness helps. And it's good to remember that it's normal.

Dinosaur chic

One of the things I've been waiting for is to be able to wear a baby again. I had to stop carrying the boy whilst pregnant as I just couldn't cope with the extra weight and I miss the snuggly closeness of it (and I think he's been missing it too). I will hopefully eventually be able to carry him again but at the moment I have to limit the amount of weight I carry. I was too scared of wraps when I had Isaac but as I now know wrappers and have had chance to learn how to use them I can see how great they are. Isabel was certainly happy in there!

Danna is staying with us for a while to help out and she brought her knitting with her. Isaac likes all the different balls of wool and wanted something in every colour and so the dinosaurs (his present from Isabel) are now all sporting scarves.

It's like Vinnie Jones in a tutu!

The boy has been mending things today.

The new love of all our lives

Lilliputians and Brobdingnagians

We're slowly getting used to the new patterns of life and working out the mechanics of having two.

We didn't get the homebirth we'd planned and ended up with a few days in hospital after a very lovely c-section with the most amazing registrar. The boy was struggling not having his mummy at home so I was discharged within 48 hours and have been babymooning ever since. Sleep has been in short supply but the newborn snuggles have more than made up for that. Life has got a lot better now that my milk has come in and boy and babe are both enjoying the new bounty.

I've heard others say about the shock of seeing older children once you have a new baby and the size difference. This is all the more exaggerated when feeding as the head size is so noticeably different. I swear Isaac has grown in the few days I was at the hospital. His head seems to be adult sized! And I'm sure he's actually done a body swap with my friend's 10 year old.

The babe by contrast seems so tiny - although she's almost 2lbs bigger than Isaac was. She fits happily on my chest to sleep, feed and just snuggle.

The amazing thing about having children is feeling your love expand. I remember totally falling in love with the boy and in the last few weeks there's been a part of me that's worried that either I wouldn't love the baby in the same way or that somehow my love for the baby would diminish my love for the boy. The miracle is though that not only am I absolutely besotted by our new babe I've also fallen in love again with our bouncing, boisterous, loving, snuggling boy.

Isabel

born 11.06pm Sunday 21st March weighing 8lb11oz.

Getting soppy

I'm very aware that we're in those last few days of just having one child. And whilst he's definitely having his 2 year old moments I'm loving spending time with him at the moment. I know that I will never have this time again where I can pour all my energies into just one child. It's been an honour to share my life with him for the last 2 1/2 years and I know that with a few ups and downs and a bit of getting used to the new dynamic he's going to make a fabulous big brother.